Why I Am Becoming An End-of-Life Doula

I have always been drawn to the aspect of dying. As morbid as that may seem. To me, death is a part of life that we cannot avoid. But what happens at the time of death and afterwards, has always been an unknown. What happens? Is it painful? Is it scary? What happens to the people left behind? Where does your soul go? Does your soul go anywhere at all??

I have always been inquisitive by nature, but in this particularly, I NEED to know. I NEED to know how to help, what to do to make the transition for those who are about to depart from this world peaceful, and without fear, as their soul leaves their earthly form and into their celestial one.

But, one of the concepts that bothers me most, is that someone should die alone. No family, no friends, no reassurance that it is all going to be alright. I WANT to be that person who is there, who provides comfort in those final moments. Even those who do have family and friends there with them may need that person to keep things organized and on track. To be that shoulder to cry on when that last breath is taken. About 4 - 5 years ago I heard the reference of an “End of Life Doula.” When I researched what it was, I know that it was my calling. I have been doing sound healing these last couple years, and studied integrative healing arts and it all seemed a bit separated. But this, this is the missing piece. Being an End-of-Life Doula is what ties all that I have learned and applied together. Yet, I was holding back. I recently found Lifespan Doulas that offered a training certification I felt fit what I was looking for and I registered to get my training started.

My mother, Eve, passed away on July 26, 2022. She had found out she had cancer (we believe pancreatic) in May 2022, then it was only a matter of a couple months for her body to succumb. She asked a few days prior to her passing, that both my two sisters and I would be together again. You see, the three of us have not been together for several years and she wanted her girls together one last time before she died. I was the first to arrive, then shortly after my oldest sister, Casey got there. The look on her face when she saw us was so emotional. My other sister Carrie wasn’t going to be able to get in until the day after next and we prayed my mother would hold on until she got there. By the time Carrie arrived, my mother was starting to sleep more and more and we hoped she was able to recognize Carrie and realize that she had her girls together at last. I’d like to believe she did. We spent the last hours laughing, thinking about different memories, and crying. Her breathing then changed and the hospice nurse told us it was time. We got our father and the four of us stood by her side, holding her hand, giving her words of encouragement and telling her it was time to let go. And she did. I felt that our being there with her, by her side during this last moment on earth was our final gift.

As I write this (July 24, 2023), only two days away from the one year anniversary of her death, I think to myself that now is the time. This is the time to start this journey as a Doula. There is never going to be a “right” time. There will always be other work I am responsible for, the needs of my family, their events and activities, as well as my own personal care. But if I can at least help one person, one family in their time of need during what is one of the most stressful and painful times of their life, it is worth it. I want that person to have that final gift. Just like my sisters and I were able to give to my mother.

In Loving Memory, my mother:

Eve Mary LaRock

August 4, 1951 - July 26, 2022